Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes
Alex Alexander
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The Cost of Quiet: How to Stop Avoiding Conflict and Have Those Hard Conversations with Colette Jane Fehr
• 63 minHere you are, leaving that friendship hangout frustrated again. You swear you’ll tackle the issue at the next meet-up, but then, time goes by. You’ve pushed the problem aside. Until it happens again. And again. Suddenly, this little issue has become a major one. Today’s guest is Colette Jane Fehr, a therapist, TEDX speaker, and author of the Amazon bestselling book, The Cost of Quiet. Her work is rooted in couples therapy, but don’t press pause! Every single skill she teaches transfers directly to friendships. If you have ever swallowed something hard and pushed it down because you didn’t know how to bring it up, this episode is for you. In this episode you’ll hear about: Conflict avoidance: the tendency to not be too intense or demanding with friends – and consequently push issues under the rugWhat Colette calls the “victim volcano,” when untended issues stack up and eventually eruptColette’s and my own personal experiences navigating issues between friends that need to be addressedSelf-connected communication, which helps us prepare before sharing our grievances with friends, and “Good Girl-Itis” Resources & Links Listen to Episode 12 and learn about my theory about the Roots framework. Order Colette’s book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have Hard Conversations That Create Secure, Lasting Love. And preorder my book! Are We Friends Yet? comes out June 16. The missing vocabulary for every relationship in your life and a real plan for what to do with it. When you sign up to order the book, you get immediate access to the Less Lonely Club Community and the 10-Day Connection Reset Private Podcast. Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! This episode is sponsored by Slowly, a digital pen pal app used by over 10 million people worldwide. If you’ve been looking for a low-pressure way to connect with someone completely outside your normal friendship circle, this is it. Exchange letters at your own pace, no small talk panic required. Download Slowly free and get 30% off Slowly Plus using my link: https://open.slowly.app/miXL/l8ei5iw6 WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? hits shelves June 16. Get on the waitlist for pre-order bonuses + a first look. Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.
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